It was obvious I was lost in translation on this path of finding my purpose. I spent years trying to search for what fulfilled my soul but I was clueless. I needed something to reignite my fire. What was I missing? Uhm....it dawned on me, I was missing passion.
If I could retrace my steps, I lost my passion at the end of 2006 while stationed in South Carolina. A series of negative things kept happening in my life and consequently South Carolina became my arch nemesis. I truly wonder why I chose such an isolated place away from all the people & things I loved.
When I finally finished my 9yrs of military service I was left with the decision to leave or stay. Honestly, I wanted to run as far away from here as I could but I was hurting. I needed a fresh start but I didn't believe this would be the place of my new beginnings. However, God's plans for my life was greater than I could imagine.
So, the journey started as the walls came tumbling down brick by brick each layer exposed a deeper part of my pain. I was left naked with the pure ugliness of who I became over the last several years.
While I kicked and screamed my way through the journey I became tired of the misery. I was tired of the circle of insanity and often begged the Lord to let me leave South Carolina. I was angry; I wanted God to tell me why I was here. But I had no idea that all the misfortunes were just preparing me for my purpose. I was challenged to romance the stones in my life and change them into diamonds.
It's funny; as much as I wanted to leave God used this place of transition as a place for me to become whole. Whatever, I thought I was looking for found me. And as I continue to heal I am feeling more alive everyday embracing the passion that sets my soul on fire!
It was obvious I was lost in translation on this
path of finding my purpose. I spent years trying to search for what fulfilled
my soul but I was clueless. I needed something to reignite my fire. What was I
missing? Uhm....it dawned on me, I was
missing passion.
If
I could retrace my steps, I lost my passion at the end of
2006 while stationed in South Carolina. A series of negative things kept happening
in my life and consequently South Carolina became my arch nemesis. I truly
wonder why I chose such an isolated place away from all the people & things
I loved.
When I finally finished my 9yrs of military service
I was left with the decision to leave or stay. Honestly, I wanted to run as far
away from here as I could but I was hurting. I needed a fresh start but I
didn't believe this would be the place of my new beginnings. However, God's plans for my life was greater than I
could imagine.
So, the journey started as the walls came tumbling
down brick by brick each layer exposed a deeper part of my pain. I was left
naked with the pure ugliness of who I became over the last several years.
While I kicked and screamed my way through the
journey I became tired of the misery. I was tired of the circle of insanity and
often begged the Lord to let me leave South Carolina. I was angry; I wanted God
to tell me why I was here. But I had no idea that all the misfortunes were just
preparing me for my purpose. I was challenged to romance the stones in my life
and change them into diamonds.
It's funny; as much as I wanted to leave God used
this place of transition as a place for me to become whole. Whatever, I thought
I was looking for found me. And as I continue to heal I am feeling more alive
everyday embracing the passion that sets my soul on fire!
On April 9th, 2016 at 10:00am in the morning I was sleeping comfortably until I got a message from my family that altered my world......
On April 9th, 2016 I was confronted with reality when my oldest brother called to tell me about our dad. He spoke in a shaky tone telling me my beloved father was pronounced dead that morning at the hospital. My whole body went numb after hearing this news and I screamed throughout my house. This could not be real for me to fathom, I no longer would be able to see my dad or hear his voice. In some crazy way I thought is was surreal like a dream but, it was not a dream. It was an unexpected nightmare that now haunts me.
My mom was distraught, the man she was married to 42 years was now gone. I grieved for her and my entire family. The only question I wanted to ask myself was "how were we going to move on from this trauma ?". My brothers and I all shared a special bond with my father; he was truly the King of his castle. He taught us how to love unconditionally, live unapologetically and most of all how to have a relationship with the Lord.
The wound is fresh, the tears are new and the pain is relevant in our lives. However, through this abrupt interruption of my dad's departure we continue to carry on his legacy. Losing someone that you love is never easy but bittersweet. Yes, spiritually we know he is with God but we will always miss his physical absence.... his smile, laughter and joy it brought to our lives. After losing my youngest daughter nine years ago and now my dad it has taught me how precious life is now. I am no longer waiting on a special moment to do what I desire or live the life I want. Now, I have an urgency to live life to the fullest, experience every great undertaking and live it on my own terms.
The greatest things that I have won due to my loss of loved ones are courage to live my life on my own terms, do what is best for me, letting go of the need for permission and understanding I do not need validation to be who I am.
In some strange way I feel like this has helped me involve into a better version of me, living life unapologetically!
On April 9th, 2016 at 10:00am in the morning I was sleeping comfortably until I got a message from my family that altered my world......
On April 9th, 2016 I was confronted with reality when my oldest brother called to tell me about our dad. He spoke in a shaky tone telling me my beloved father was pronounced dead that morning at the hospital. My whole body went numb after hearing this news and I screamed throughout my house. This could not be real for me to fathom, I no longer would be able to see my dad or hear his voice. In some crazy way I thought is was surreal like a dream but, it was not a dream. It was an unexpected nightmare that now haunts me.
My mom was distraught, the man she was married to 42 years was now gone. I grieved for her and my entire family. The only question I wanted to ask myself was "how were we going to move on from this trauma ?". My brothers and I all shared a special bond with my father; he was truly the King of his castle. He taught us how to love unconditionally, live unapologetically and most of all how to have a relationship with the Lord.
The wound is fresh, the tears are new and the pain is relevant in our lives. However, through this abrupt interruption of my dad's departure we continue to carry on his legacy. Losing someone that you love is never easy but bittersweet. Yes, spiritually we know he is with God but we will always miss his physical absence.... his smile, laughter and joy it brought to our lives. After losing my youngest daughter nine years ago and now my dad it has taught me how precious life is now. I am no longer waiting on a special moment to do what I desire or live the life I want. Now, I have an urgency to live life to the fullest, experience every great undertaking and live it on my own terms.
The greatest things that I have won due to my loss of loved ones are courage to live my life on my own terms, do what is best for me, letting go of the need for permission and understanding I do not need validation to be who I am.
In some strange way I feel like this has helped me involve into a better version of me, living life unapologetically!
As we say goodbye to April we welcome May with open arms and prepare for the summer bliss. In our May series our theme is Loss, Live & Love! We will discuss the pains of dealing with loss and how to persevere through losing something or someone we love. We will also talk about living a life we love now not later. The last part of our series we will discuss why living the life you desire is important.
As we say goodbye to April we welcome May with open arms and prepare for the summer bliss. In our May series our theme is Loss, Live & Love! We will discuss the pains of dealing with loss and how to persevere through losing something or someone we love. We will also talk about living a life we love now not later. The last part of our series we will discuss why living the life you desire is important.
